Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
