dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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