remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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