Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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