I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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