I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
false alarm, still single
Randomize
