I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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