WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
