PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
