The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize