Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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