so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
