i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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