There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize