i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
