I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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