Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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