sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
