Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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