successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
