if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
