Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
