Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize