But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
