we're chasing vodka with high fives
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
