Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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