Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You can't special order awesome
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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