just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
