This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
