that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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