sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
