I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
