We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
