ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize