OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
