I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
