I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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