Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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