the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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