It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
