All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
