So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
