wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your cock deserves a montage
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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