I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize