Pappa wants mamma naked
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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