If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I believe in your delicious
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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