I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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