fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
