That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
