just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
