better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
