i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
