All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
