guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
