I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
