I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
