yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
