You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
