I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
