i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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