I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish you could order shots online.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
