The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize