So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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