So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
