In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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