do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
