The maid of honor just puked.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I checked into jail on foursquare
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
