I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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