you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
