What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
