Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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