im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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