I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
