I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
