definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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