hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
