I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
