I hate your face
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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