One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
